silver cycle

In other news, I think my most recent depression cycle has finally come to an end, or at least, has reached the non-depression part of the cycle. I never know how long these periods are going to last, nor how soon the next will be, so it's go with the flow every time. While I can't say that I've answered the burning questions inside of me, I think I've at least cooled the flames a bit.

So, as I've asked myself for the past two weeks: who am I? who are you? and why does it matter? and since it does matter, should it matter? and if it doesn't, then why do we even care? should we stop? or is that even relevant?

When faced with this plethora of questions, to even start to tackle who a person is, the first logical thing (as if there is one) is to determine what constitutes an identity; because an identity is somewhat undefinable, this makes the process a bit difficult. Here are a few questions I posed: is an identity merely what you think of yourself, merely what other people think, or a combination? Or perhaps is it purely what you think, as much as it has been influenced by other schools of thought? Or is it the other way around, it depending only on the development of the perspectives of the people you influence?

And what of differing schools of thought? That is to say, what about the differing and often conflicting perspectives of your identity? How do the reconcile their differences? Do you then merely have several different identites that either you take on or people put on you depending on what people you're around, or do they all come together into one amalgamation of thought? And if so, does that mean that we're all dangerously and horridly conflicted, ambivalent, indecisive beings that don't know what to do because of all of the inconsistencies within ourselves?

So as you can tell, I don't exactly have answers to all these questions, though I think I can safely assume that an identity is something of a conglomeration of things. As thinking does, I merely created more questions for myself rather than coming to conclusions. But this I did realize: it all at once matters completely and doesn't matter at all. It matters who we are as seen by the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ; it is because of His love and grace that we as humans matter. However, because of His love, in a sense it really doesn't matter at all; in comparison to his infinite love and glory, our identity outside of Him is completely insignificant -- and yet it still matters to Him.

When it comes down to it, I always look back on these depression cycles and praise God for them for the things that he teaches me. While it's (probably) true that no one appreciates hard times and the trials in our lives, I think it's always important to look at what you can get out of them rather than focusing so tightly on what it is negative, as I see so many people around me doing.

So, just because I'm in a didactic type of mood -- and I'm sure this'll relate to some of you out there bothering to read this (which is whole 'nother topic) -- instead of focusing on how much of a waste of time class/school is, try to learn something instead; education is what you put into it, not what teachers give. So if you complain that you aren't learning anything, I ask you: are you trying? are you caring enough? if not, why are you here? and if the material really is below you, why don't you do something about it? If you don't try to even begin to care because you're lazy or some such, well, that's your own fault, so keep your mouth shut and stop complaining. Because almost nothing is handed out on a silver platter. Almost.